The Road Not Taken”
Two roads diverged in a yellow wood,
And sorry I could not travel both
And be one traveler …Robert Frost
I recently had a conversation with a woman who told me about the time she stood at the fork in the road. In her case she and her husband both worked in the same industry and career but because they decided to have a family, he took the path toward promotion and growth, and she stepped away, choosing a more limited career path that included more flexibility to manage her “other” commitments. She sacrificed her career.
The guilt, the compromise, the rationalization that led to her decision to scale back a blossoming career to care for the needs of family, in this case children (but could be an aging parent or something else) is not a decision that she made lightly. However, for this woman and for many, it is not a choice, it is duty. She does not question her decision.
What she does question is why it must be a sacrifice. Why can’t she have it all. She discovered that working within a limited schedule, she produced more, wasted less, and understood what counted for value vs. non-value added work. In all aspects of her life, she does what matters, she juggles a much greater load than her husband and she does it with a quality assurance and efficiency that is masterful. She does what counts, and she does what she cares about.
If we put what we care about first, we don’t call it work, we call it life. We live it at an entirely different energy level. Women understand this.
Our job description is not a list of tasks, but something like:
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Requires commitment, passion, and unconditional love,
Have an action orientation,
be able to multi-task,
make mistakes and learn quickly Provide support, care and leadership Be involved,
make a difference
Do more with less resources,
be creative and imaginative
It became clear as we talked that the sacrifice was both hers and her husbands. He may have built a career but ultimately he sacrificed more. He is missing out on important life events, the little joys, and happy moments, that she is available to experience because she has greater flexibility. Imagine if we could design work that honors our whole selves and engages us in ways that matter.
Maybe we wouldn’t have to sacrifice careers or home life, maybe instead we could create stronger communities where our careers and our lives compliment and enhance each other. Imagine the paths merging, and not having to regret the path the not taken.
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